Parenting a Teenager with Depression
As your kids get older and their problems become more complex, you have to transition into more of a supporting role, and that can be difficult. This is especially true with teens who are struggling with depression. Depressed teens often experience significant emotional and sometimes physical pain, but may not know what to do to make it better or find the help that they need. Parents are usually in the best position to take charge in getting initial help for a depressed teen.
Signs Your Teen Is Depressed
Has she been sad or irritable most of the day, most days in a week for at least two weeks?
Has she lost interest in things that she used to really enjoy?
Have her eating or sleeping habits changed?
Does she have very little energy, very little motivation to do much of anything?
Is she feeling worthless, hopeless about her future, or guilty about things that aren’t her fault?
Have her grades dropped, or is she finding it difficult to concentrate?
Has she had thoughts of suicide? If so it’s crucial you have her evaluated by a mental health professional immediately. If the thoughts are really serious and there is imminent threat, you will need to take her to an ER.
Irritability
Adults usually describe feeling sad when they’re depressed, but teenagers often become increasingly irritable. They may behave disrespectfully or may have less patience than usual. They also may become defiant.
Academic Changes
Teens may experience a sharp decline in their grades when depression strikes. But, that’s not always the case. Some teens maintain a high grade point average even in the midst of emotional turmoil.
In fact, sometimes the pressure to maintain good grades becomes a factor in depression. A teen who feels the need to get accepted into an Ivy League college, or one who insists a disappointing SAT score could ruin her life, may remain driven to achieve despite being depressed.
Sensitivity to Criticism
Depression can lead to an intense sensitivity to criticism. Sometimes teens deal with this increased sensitivity by avoiding activities where they fear failure. A teen may refuse to try out for the soccer team or may refuse to invite a date to a school dance in an attempt to avoid rejection.
At other times, teens may deal with this fear by becoming an overachiever. A depressed teen may become a perfectionist in an attempt to avoid the risk of being rejected. It’s important to monitor how your teen responds to risk, criticism, and failure as changes in your teen’s behavior could signal your teen is depressed.
Social Withdrawal
Social isolation is a common problem for everyone with depression, but teens don’t necessarily withdraw from everyone when they become depressed. Sometimes they simply change peer groups. At other times, teens withdraw from real-life activities and focus their attention on the online world when they’re feeling depressed. A depressed teen may create an online persona and may engage in online chats or play role-playing games for hours on end to escape the realities of life.
The problem is that teen depression often disguises itself as normal "mood swings" due to puberty or teen angst. This means that it is often ignored until something more serious happens such as serious risk-taking behavior that leads to trouble or a suicide attempt. If your teen shows more than a few of these signs or symptoms, she may have depression that warrants professional attention. While you can’t make her want to get better, there are some things that you as her parent can do. And it starts with simply being there for her!
Getting Help
Some teens who are suffering from depression do not want to seek help. They may beg, get upset with you, or become violent when you suggest it. Even if your concerns are met with resistance, it is still important that you seek help for your teen. They need help to get better, but first they have to want that help. If your teen refuses to go to counseling, meet with a mental health professional on your own. A counselor may be able to offer insight and strategies you can use to help a depressed teen.