Marriage is Built On...

Marriage is built on trust and honesty. Most people don’t realize the importance of honesty until someone has been dishonest with them. When a woman finds out about any kind of betrayal in her marriage (whether that is infidelity, hiding an addiction, or an emotional affair) there is always deceit involved. Often the layers of lies surrounding a marriage betrayal are just as painful as the betrayal itself. 

Repeated Dishonesty and Broken Trust

There are several ways that repeated dishonesty and broken trust create damage in a marriage, here are just a few:

It Creates Doubt

Marital betrayal creates doubt about the person you thought you knew and what you believed about the marriage.  This doubt causes you to question other aspects of your husband. Do I even really know him?   

It Creates Hurt

You feel small, insignificant, or possibly a deep sense of shame for wondering how you could have been naïve to trust your husband… maybe you even feel dumb or stupid.

It Creates a Power Struggle

When the foundation of trust is broken, the wife becomes almost exclusively focused on attempting to control and minimize the pain of that betrayal.

It Creates Distrust

Not only do lies create doubt, but they create an even greater atmosphere of distrust. If your husband can lie to you about one issue, he certainly can lie to you about other issues as well.

It Creates a Loss of Intimacy

Betrayal in marriage produces the feeling that authentic relationships may be unsafe. Intimacy has come to represent something very dangerous. You dare not draw close to someone who would hurt you in such a personal way.

Healing is Possible

You are not alone if the deceit in your marriage is affecting you in significant ways. Reaching out for help is a key step in beginning to work through the affect’s of your spouses betrayal rather than creating barriers inside yourself to help ‘protect’ you.  Any self-protective measures cause further damage to yourself to not only your husband but also other close relationships. There is hope for healing when deceit has been present in a marriage.  But not without a real investment of time, effort, and help.